Nobody writes them like they used to...So it may as well be me.
--Belle and Sebastian
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Nonfic
Portland (cheap and skinny fic)
Poetry (the horror, the horror!)
Disclaimer:
The actions, attitude, and behavior of any fictional or actual characters represented in any of my writing may or may not be representative of their actions, attitude, and behavior and my own actions, attitudes, and behavior. I wholeheartedly advise you not to do any immoral or illegal things that I may or may not have written about. If you do anything stupid and maybe get in trouble because of reading anything I wrote it's your responsibility. Bad reader. Bad, bad reader. Don't read anything you are not old enough, not mature enough, or are too sensitive to read. Here are some things that you may not be able to deal with: cussing, adult themes, substance abuse, offensive references or depictions of minority or special interest groups, religion bashing, illegal activities, sex, violence, and homosexuality. By no means are all of these things present in each individual piece. Except for swearing, which is pretty much everywhere. The preceding statement applies to all pieces. In other words, think ahead and please don't sue me. I wrote all this stuff unless otherwise noted, so be nice and don't rip me off.
PS-- If you're a member of my family, please repeat the following as you read: 'She's a good person who lives a boring, uneventful, sheltered life.' Sadly enough, it's true.
Not coming soon to a theatre near you: a love story about genetically engineered rock stars, a tale of ice cream trucks and men, psychic fiends of triglycerides and barbequeage, sockmonkeys in love, a pseudoscientific look at the reproductive life of the paper clip.
Portland (cheap and skinny)
Stella does tricks: Drooling at the Delta. For anyone that's ever loved or wanted to be Stella. Has nothing to do with the movie of the same name.
"You’re scaring the money," the waitress hisses. She wipes the drool from the table and points to a well-dressed four pack of suburbanites, whispering and jabbing towards Stella with closed menus.
Stella X Starlight: Stella reincarnated as a blonde.
"Darling, being glamorous means you can no longer eat Taco Bell."
Select None: Bad jobs, clothes, and boredom. Featuring the fabulous 1201. Inspired by a brief conversation with Mister Will Self himself and the enticing world of banking. I would like to state for the record that although this was inspired by a job I once held, none of the characters should be interpreted as former co workers of mine.
"I look over and see a tetrapak by my bed. I drank one of those cranberry juice concentrate boxes sometime during the night. I’m fortified with 1600% of the US RDA of vitamins A and C, but I still feel like crap."
Cereal: Unfinished serial novel about a loser named Paul. Pokes fun at the liberal arts lifestyle. Antics ensue. Cameos by the Pink Lady, Geoff, Dr. Newhall, and Doris from Sidoris. Best avoided by the easily offended.
"The H-E-A-T-H-E-N might hear."
Mary Tyler Moore interview: An interview with MTM for the Reed College Quest in 1996 on the set of a made for TV movie.
"I grew up in Brooklyn. There are only about four hundred and ninety five celebrities from there."
Show reviews
The lexicon
(Please have a large grain of salt prepared.)
An almost handy, not-quite dandy guide to taming curly hair.
Poetry's always ill advised, in this day and age. Airing dirty laundry is good for the soul. Same warning goes for the poetry as for above prose. The poems listed at the top are generally newer than those at the bottom.
(Sort of) angry urban magnetic poetry:
One (almost flowery)
Two (w/ crack)
Three (w/ streetwalker)
From the brown Keroppi notebook:
Cathedral of alveoli
Ode to the Pink Lady
From the Machine Love project
Antenna prayer
Found Poetry (from disturbing newspaper articles)
Hong Kong bird-flu virus
Birth notice (medical miracle multiple births)
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Copyright © 1997-2001 Suzanne BaunsgardAndrogyne Amalgamated