Cereal 6: The Lost Episode

Home Writing TOC Previous Part Next Part

Breakfast of Champions
Six: The Lost Episode

Paul opened his right eye. Prospects definitely seemed better. There was a tall glass of lemonade in front of him, right next to the big pool of drool that had come out of his mouth. Dave stuck the straw into Paul’s mouth. Paul drained it in five seconds flat.

"Could I have another glass?"

Dave leaned over and picked up the glass. "No wonder you’re so thirsty; you drooled Lake Michigan onto one of Carl’s grandma’s antique card tables. She’s gonna be real mad."

"Hey. Don’t make fun of my drooling problem. They used to call me Drooly when I was a kid." Paul’s drooling problem had never stopped him from drooling-while-sleeping in the SU, the library, in class, or on the phone with his parents, but it was still embarrassing.

"It’s kind of cute, actually." Dave blushed. Paul sensed eyelash batting.

"You know, you remind me of a very mature Johnny Quest. What’s your name, anyway?"

"Ummm, Dave," blushed Dave.

"Well, Ummm, Dave, I’m Ummm Paul."

"Uh, Nice to meet you?"

"You didn’t have to get me lemonade. Water would‘ve been fine."

"No trouble. Carl’s grandma makes gallons of it and freezes it." Dave ducked out to what was presumably the kitchen to pour another glass of lemonade.

"You wouldn’t happen to have anything to mix with that? It’s been a long day."

"Uh no, we’re evangelical." Dave came back through the door frame with a full glass.

"You’re like holy rollers? No drinking, dancing, poker, or sex?"

"Well no, we’re not supposed to." Dave blushed again. He put the glass on the table and the straw in Paul’s mouth. Paul sucked it down.

"God, your life must be boring."

Dave stared at the floor. He slumped and sighed.

"Actually, Carl’s grandma’s got a bottle of JD hidden under the bathroom sink. She’s got a touch of the rheumatis'."

"I didn’t know people said that in real life."

"What?"

"'A touch of the rheumatis'. I thought that was just something from old TV and movies."

"Well, Carl’s grandma only lets us watch The Family Channel, Nick at Nite, and TBN. She locked all the other channels out."

"So what’s up with Carl’s grandma?"

"She’s gone to visit her sick sister Lettie in Sheboygan. She thought that Carl and I were such good boys that we wouldn’t get into any trouble."Dave rolled his eyes.

"Is she like, your great aunt or something?"

"When I was little and my parents got divorced, my great aunt, who belonged to Carl’s grandma’s church proved that my mom was a godless tramp and of course my dad ran off with some sixteen year old to Maui. She got a restraining order against my parents and got custody. I think all that judging turned her soul mean and bitter and it just ate her up, ‘cause she died a few months after the custody battle was over. So then Carl’s grandma offered to raise me and she got custody. So here I am."

"Didn’t you have any other relatives who would take you in?"

"No."

"Geez. I’m sorry." Long pause. "So you’re not a Christian by birth?"

"No." Dave shuffled his feet.

"How ‘bout that drink then? And while you’re at it, how ‘bout a cigarette?"